A resting cat’s paws. Can there be anything cosier?

Model in this photograph was Domino, a prominent member of my feline quartet. Click on the photograph to see it bigger and click here or see below to enjoy more photographs involving cats.

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“I need a big mug of hot coffee”, said Grace when she arrived at my house and shivered through the front door. I blame Wiltshire Council for Grace getting lost three times in a village of perhaps 800 souls. Because of the roadworks Grace had to leave the only route that she knows to my house.

“Not the little cups you normally give me. Just some instant coffee, milk and hot water”, she ordered.

“I am not making you instant coffee”, I replied, found the jumbo cups and headed for my beautiful Gaggia espresso machine. One has to live up to one’s standards.

“Why not? Because you are posh?”

Luckily, at this point my cats decided to take care of the visitor.

“You make yourself at home, dear”, said Camillo in his best avuncular manner, whilst Domino insisted in a handbag inspection. You never know what you might find in a strange handbag.

“Keep out of my bag, kitty”, Grace said mildly and I smiled to myself quietly at the unrealistic nature of her request. My cats can open zips on bags!

Poor Grace. She got proper coffee instead of instant and I had to wrap her in a blanket because she was so cold. The unforgiving British winter, you understand.

This photograph is from my ongoing series unplanned portraits. Click on the photograph to see it bigger.

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This morning, a sudden and heavy snowfall. A pretty but brief spectacle in mid December. The temperatures too high for the snow to consider settling. Each snowflake melts as it touches the ground. The shy impression of winter is over in minutes.

I am in no doubt that the Met Office will have issued amber, red and other warnings in pretty colours. Deliveries remain undelivered. Trains do not leave the stations for fear of slipping on the tracks. Stay safe, stay warm, stay dry, snow is dangerous, winter is a killer. No!!! Come on, use your common sense, one snow flake does not constitute a blizzard and two make no snow chaos. It is December, it is winter and snow is not a menacing hazard but a normal occurrence, even in Britain’s benign climate.

Domino, one member of my feline quartet, enjoyed the display from the comfort and warmth of a window sill.

Click on a photograph to see it bigger.

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I have recently rediscovered my love of fixed focal length, a.k.a. prime, lenses. These are lenses that do not zoom. They reward the photographer with superior image quality. Other deciding factors are smaller size, lower weight and being forced to concentrate more on the framing of a photograph. A zoom lens only makes the photographer lazy.

In my case this revived affection means feeding the desire with some new lenses and there is a ritual to taking delivery:

First you unpack it impatiently and screw the new UV filter, which you have bought with the lens, on. Then you stroke its barrel tenderly, say “hullo, gorgeous, I promise I will be gentle with you” or some other daft thing, mount it onto the camera and venture outside for some first test shots.

Typically, after a few minutes you want a model. I am lucky because I have the perfect model living with me. She is called Holly and always willing to pose patiently.

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Camillo poses for the camera. Click on the photograph to see it bigger.

You know you are in trouble when the receptionist at your vet’s greets you by name as soon as you set foot through the door, a cat carrier in each hand. The attempt at hiding the stress from being told off by your cats and the pain from two strained wrists results in a jolly “hallooouu” in the general direction of the receptionist.

My cats think that trips to the vet – the regular vaccination ones and the incidental visits to treat minor injuries and major ailments – are totally unnecessary.

A few weeks ago, Camillo sustained a tiny cut on his heel when he descended ungracefully down a tall hedge. He has a habit of falling off. But then he met Sophie, the vet, and fell in love. And Sophie fell in love with Camillo. It is true, Camillo very gentle, patient and well mannered; the kind of cat that vets probably do not encounter regularly.

Now we have learned that Sophie is leaving the practice and moving to a different part of the country. You can imagine how devastated Camillo was when I told him.

From Camillo, the other cats of this household and their humans, good-bye Sophie and good luck in your new job, your new home and your new life. We will miss you.

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It will forever be a mystery to me how my life can be so complicated that after the weekend Mondays should be inevitably chaotic. Perhaps it is life’s punishment for a day or two off.

Not that I exactly paused at the weekend. I had an enquiry from a prospective client at the end of last week. He told me that he was getting married at the end of October and wanted to give his bride a set of nude portraits of himself for a present. He was on a business trip vaguely in my area and the only time that he could make was Sunday night. When I wanted to take a deposit, he told me that he was unable to pay – not because he did not have the money but because he had no access to money.

Apparently, his father deals with all the business finances and my prospective client does not have any personal bank or credit cards. For spending, he relies on cash pocket money from his wife-to-be. Do I pity him? No. I had spent quite a bit of time talking to him and listening to his requirements. I feel annoyed.

No photo session for him then. At least I had a cosy Sunday evening by the log fire.

This morning, I have dealt with bookings, taken prints orders, ordered supplies, written invoices, paid bills, wondered what other bills were for, re-arranged my to-do pile twice and tried to book a model for an autumn themed shoot. The model is gorgeous – if she were a flame, I would want to be a moth.

In case you do not get the analogy, give up my life for a moment of closeness; that sort of thing.

If you are reading this, best of all wives, let me explain: It is just a literary excursion. My brain seems unstable after a hectic morning and needs a little freewheeling.

Hectic also because of the howling. No, not the howling of a dying Katrina – hurricane, that is – but the howling of two of my four cats, Camillo and Kaspar. Camillo is prone to howling at the best of times whereas Kaspar normally prefers a squeak. Today, he joined his brother. I think they are responding to the howling of the wind by, well, howling.

The howling of the wind made me feel cold and I slipped into a jumper. Then I realised that I was wearing jeans, a stripy, long-sleeved T-shirt – the sort that looks oh so French – and a warm, dark blue, woolly jumper – the sort that looks oh so maritime.

Me, I look like an old mariner.

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Everybody with an ounce of cat in them and a smidgen of decency knows that you cannot remove a restful cat from his cosy spot.

Last night, I arranged my clothes for today in this order: Starting at the bottom, jeans, T-shirt, boxer shorts, socks. Early this morning, I found them in this order: Jeans, T-shirt, boxer shorts, socks, Camillo.

Camillo de-curled, stretched, yawned, looked at me lovingly with these eyes that said “you would not turf me out, would you?” and re-curled.

I immediately grasped the problem. Everybody with an ounce of cat in them and a smidgen of decency knows that you cannot remove a restful cat from his cosy spot, usually occupying documents, memory cards, exposure meters and other items that the cat’s human is about to use. Cats can sense these things. Very kindly, they try to prevent us from getting stressed with work. Instead, we get stressed with the cat, which of course we cannot openly admit and have to internalise. Result: More stress. If somebody tells you that pets decrease stress levels in humans, take it for what it is; a lie.

I had thought before – more than once and seriously – to turn the concept of a nude photo session around: Not the client gets undressed but the photographer. I would love to see people’s reactions. Luckily or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint, I do not have any clients booked in for today but I need to take Camillo to see Sophie, the vet, later this morning and I hold my open coffee break this afternoon.

If you know me or read my blog, you will know that I feel a deep sense of responsibility for the welfare of my cats. Visits to the vet stress me profoundly. Last time, the vet told me to go home and have a stiff drink. I like Sophie, the vet, but I do not know anything about her views. She might think it a bit forward if I turned up starkers.

Kaspar is also in a collar at the moment.

My open coffee break won’t be much of an issue in the dress code department. I often say on facebook or twitter “I am having a coffee break; anyone want to join me?” I have never had anybody turn up yet, which is probably due to the fact that I only have a handful of facebook friends, who are within easily commutable distance. One of them is my dentist, who is also a client. I cannot imagine that he would be impressed or likely to join in. He already thinks that I am weird. Another is a client, who has also worked for me as a model. All things considered, I’ll hold my open coffee break in the nude today.

To save you asking about Camillo, he had the tiniest of cuts on his heel about three weeks ago. The next day he limped and went to see the vet (Sunday, quadruple rates). Then he chewed his bandaged wound and it became infected. Everything is healing beautifully now but he wears a collar to prevent further damage. And a white sock.

Oh, and Kaspar is also in a collar at the moment. He gave himself, like last year, a small scratch on his forehead. Everything is healing beautifully now but … you know the rest.

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This is Eric relaxing in the shade on a summer’s morning.

Eric lives with my friends, Kay and Lofty, who maintain that he has a fierce side to his character and a set of sharp claws to his paws. I have never known Eric as anything but a big, easy-purr softie.

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This new photograph in my series of unplanned portraits tries to capture the spirit of the month of June. The connection of different species of animals seems to become a recurring theme in my portraits.

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